By Terrence McCoy
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By Chuck Strouse
By Scott Fishman
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By Ryan Yousefi
By Ciara LaVelle, Kat Bein, Carolina Del Busto, and Liz Tracy
By Pepe Billete
TITO HERNANDEZ: This is Tito Hernandez speaking. These are the headlines of today's most important news, which we offer you in this edition of El Noticiero La Mogolla, the hottest radio news program in Miami, the capital of el exilio.
ORLANDO RAMOS: The public is astonished by the scandal of the "little trips" taken by the commissioners of Miami, with the costs paid by taxpayers!
HERNANDEZ: In a city on the edge of bankruptcy, Victor De Yurre and Miller Dawkins have traveled 21 times out of Miami and Florida in 1990, spending thousands of dollars on luxury hotels and millionaires' meals! Twenty-one trips by this pair of commissioners, living like kings, of no use to those who gave them their votes. And who have to pay the bills!
RAMOS: Our special correspondent, Jose Candelario Seispatines, now brings us all the details of this municipal waste...which only La Mogolla denounces. Go ahead, Seispatines.
SEISPATINES: To La Mogolla. Bigger than life. Total coverage, Ramito! Ah ha.
RAMOS: Let's see, Seispatines. What is this scandal about the little trips by the commissioners of Miami?
SEISPATINES: Okay, chico. I myself was putrefied when I saw the list of trips taken by those commissioners, you hear?
RAMOS: Wait a moment. You were what?
RAMOS: No sir. You say "stupefied."
SEISPATINES: Ah. Isn't stupefied when something is rotten, chico?
RAMOS: No, that's putrefied.
SEISPATINES: Oh. Okay, whatever. Well listen, Ramito. I, who am accustomed to all of these things, no really, to the graft and freeloaders and little deals of City Hall. Nothing more than all of the things we say here on La Mogolla, you know.
RAMOS: Of course. That's why they throw us out of the radio stations.
SEISPATINES: Of course, chico. Well listen. Can you imagine that Commissioner Victor De Yurre, as small as he is, Ramito. Boy, and how he travels! Can you imagine that he has traveled nine times already this year?
RAMOS: And where has Victor De Yurre gone?
SEISPATINES: All right. In February, De Yurre traveled to Italy on a cultural mission.
RAMOS: [Laughter] Listen, that's a joke, right?
SEISPATINES: No chico. Look at it here.
RAMOS: Listen, with so many things that need to be resolved here in Miami, leaving on a cultural mission to Italy? That's ridiculous!
SEISPATINES: All right, chico. But let the man defend himself. Maybe he had never been to Rome and he could take a stroll over there and see the Apian Way and all those things. And in March he was in Washington for three days, and in the same month, one week later, chico, he went to Seattle and to San Francisco - listen to this, listen to this - to see the programs for homeless people. Ah ha.
RAMOS: You don't say. He went all the way to San Francisco to see homeless people? But just going to downtown he'd see tons of them. The people sleeping on the ground.
SEISPATINES: Yes, chico. But going downtown isn't the same as a little trip to San Francisco, is it?
RAMOS: What an outrage! Now I understand why the City of Miami is bankrupt. What else?
RAMOS: What was he doing in Brussels?
SEISPATINES: Working on a commercial exchange, chico. Ah ha.
RAMOS: Imagine that. What are we going to exchange here in Miami with those people? All right. What else?
SEISPATINES: No, no. Here is the list, Ramito. Victor De Yurre has traveled all over this year. But the trip to Belgium, to a certain point, I can justify, chico.
SEISPATINES: Because Belgium is one of the Low Countries, right? And since De Yurre is so short, maybe he thought he was going to feel comfortable there.
RAMOS: The taxpayers who paid for that trip and all the other ones by those commissioners aren't going to appreciate that joke, Seispatines. Do you know what that is - nine trips abroad in just one year?
SEISPATINES: No, no, chico. It's dreadful. Listen, do you know what they call Victor De Yurre now? Marco Polo.
RAMOS: That's good. But Marco Polo was nothing compared to this. And how many trips did Miller Dawkins take, Seispatines?
SEISPATINES: Twelve trips, chico! But leave that to the people of Liberty City to comment about on their own Mogolla, you hear, since this Mogolla is for keeping track of the Cubans.
RAMOS: All right. And Xavier Suarez?
SEISPATINES: No, Xavier Suarez didn't travel so much, chico. But he must be preparing himself for the trip he will have to take.
RAMOS: To where?
SEISPATINES: When we throw him out of the municipality in a little while, chico! We're going to send him traveling through the stratosphere, at least.
RAMOS: For sure. As the worst mayor Miami has had. And the most anti-Cuban. Listen, what about Miriam Alonso?
SEISPATINES: No, Miriam took only two little trips, Ramito. And it's just as well, because if besides the 21 trips by Miller Dawkins and De Yurre, Miriam had the idea of taking even just a half-dozen trips, the City of Miami already would be bankrupt! Listen to me, what a business it is having a travel agency that sells to commissioners De Yurre and Dawkins, chico. Bigger than life! Total coverage!